And your not crazy if your still single….

It seems like more and more adults that I meet are usually over 30 and have never been married. Many are quite content with their single life. Like many they have a good job, have an education, own their home, have something put away for a rainy day. Many have traveled the world, dated people from different walks of life. But they have grown a costumed to a single life that I believe the average married woman may envy secretly at least once during the course of their friendship. I would be lying if I said that I don’t envy one of my married friends that have their own children. Sometimes you just want something different, and the thought of going to another friend kids birthday party does not always help or can make you feel some type of way. Just an honest opinion. I have heard from both ends of the table (men and women) that is: if your over 30 and still single something is deeply wrong with you. Especially if you have never been married. Or your longest relationship lasted less than a year. How you can honestly validate such a thing? Some people actually choose to be single and that is a choice that they are comfortable living with. Others on the other hand may not know how to properly deal with the pressures of a relationship and they may exit out when things seems to be to perplexed. This could be a growing trend and after 5 years of  this type of behavior you have to ask yourself “what have I been doing wrong?” The list could simply go on but this is not that type of post today. I’m hear to say that you are not crazy or something is wrong with you if you are still single. Now to add with that if you know you have issues that you need to work on to better yourself and you want to enter a new relationship with  more clarity then please by all means take the time you need to better yourself.

Personally if I was entering a new relationship with a new guy and he is over 30 and single and with no kids, then that’s even better. I don’t feel the need to question why he is still single or why he doesn’t have children. It’s obvious that he has lived his life. Got an education, traveled, worked hard for his career, has his own interests etc. I see it as he’s not bringing any baggage to the relationship. The time that has to spend with you is your time together. And if he is not paying child support or alimony then guess what? He’ll  want to take you out to a nice restaurant. So it can work to your advantage you have to let go of any crazy ideas that are swimming around in your mind. With that being said if you do feel something is off then trust your gut.

There are so many blogs that will give you a run down to why you are still single. And I’m hoping that not one intelligent woman will actually click-through all the pages (or even read the post) and tell you why you are still single. It’s very disheartening to think you need to read that type of drivel to justify your own status. I will admit that I actually sat down one day and click-through one of those post and wondered what applied to me. I had to stop myself and realize “who actually writes this type of crap.” For someone who wants to be in a relationship, more than likely this is the last thing they want to read when they are catching up on their favorite blog site. The dating world can be scary but having this type of “reality check” does not put things into a better perspective.

For the ladies out there that is not giving up on love then keep doing what makes YOU happy. If you desire to become a wife then present yourself in that type of light to strike the attention that you deserve. Is it ok to ask a guy out? Yes it’s totally normal. If he rejects, then fine. If it bothers you a little then don’t sweat it for too long. Cause yea it is his loss. But at the same time it may mean that he does not feel that he is the right guy for you. He may feel that someone better will come your way.

So this single life will not last forever if you truly don’t want it to.  If you have went through your own experiences with relationships in the past that did not work in your favor, it does not mean you should settle less. Love is a wonder that should always keep you challenged.

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Being single at 35

Maybe this post is not necessary. Hopefully if can help someone out  that is going through something and don’t know what to believe. Being single at the age of 35 is not the most God awful thing that can happen to someone. It is a reality and it is something that I do accept. At this point I really have no choice. Did I honestly think I would still be single with no children at the age of 35? No. Surely I thought I would have been married with at least 2 children by now. Do I still want all of it? Of course. Sometimes I feel I maybe fooling myself. After the age of 35 my chances of having a baby are very small. A man may be reluctant to want to marry a woman of my age cause he may feel pressured into an instant family. Well to be honest whose to say that I would want to marry the first guy that came my way today and whisk me off my feet. Passion and lust is what people usually fall for when they meet someone new. Six months can go by and he or she may not feel that way again. Not to say there is anything wrong with being swept away, but things can change very instantaneously. The thing is you have to be careful, cause as a woman your feelings can take over. Do you want to always sit and talk with your girlfriends that are single and talk about being single and men? Maybe not. But it’s still a sisterhood and we have to support one another in hopes that one will get the man of her dreams. But talking about relationships should not always be the subject of girls night out. It’s normal but it’s healthy to talk about your own dreams, what you feel. No matter what life still has to go on. Another thing don’t always compare what a friend may have that you have known for the past 10+years. If one of your best friends got married when both of you were in your 20’s and some 10 years later your wondering why your kids and her kids are not sharing play dates. This can make you feel a little nutty sometimes but it’s not for you to compare. Being single at the age of 35 is not the end all. Life will still go on. You can still set goals, live the life that you want. Your happiness should not be based on being in a relationship. Your happiness should based on who you are as a person and content with the life that you have build for yourself. This time alone should be set for self discovery

Single Life

There is something powerful about being single. Possibly that’s my own little conclusion that I came up with. Lets look at the obvious reasons.

  1. I can come home whenever I want.(Hands down the number one reason!)
  2. If I want to jet off to Bora Bora, I don’t have to worry about consulting with a significant other.
  3. Maybe I feel like having take out dinner because I can.
  4. I don’t have to pick up your stinky socks off the floor or tell you do it.
  5. So what if I didn’t make my bed up.

This list could keep going on, but the ones that are single or married or in a committed relationship can catch my drift. The thing is that it’s something that should not be in mourning. Your “status” does not define who you are or where you are headed in life. If anything it’s letting you know that you are capable of making decision entirely on your own. It’s not the end of the world either if your surrounded by working adults all day that want to talk your ear off about anything that is not relevant to your job. Coming home to peace and quite is like sweet nothings in my ear. Then your phone rings and one of friends have something so juicy to tell that you know you can’t blow them off cause hot juicy gossip is one of your guilty pleasures. The moral of this whole point is that if you are single you should embrace every aspect of it, and take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way. If you want to learn a new hobby then you should go for it. I live in Hawaii(yea I know, how lucky) and I wish I could put the effort into learning how to paddle board, but first I need to be a stronger swimmer. If your still in search for your Prince Charming or you Cinderella chances are you may find him or her when you would at least expect it and while you are out just having a good time and enjoying your life. But in the mean time don’t have a pity party when someone tries to poop on your parade and ask you: “When are you going to settle down?” Oh I could give out a lot of responses for that one but there maybe a few not so nice four little words that could easily offend someone.

Are there other singles out there that feel the same way or maybe you could tell your own reason.

xoxo

Crystal