Tis the season of holiday cheer, sitting around singing holiday carols and wishing for something bright and shiny across the beam. Another year is practically over and I’m wondering what have I accomplished and what have I held back from doing. Is it singing like a jazz starlet or letting my hair get caught in the wind while I surpass a wave. I have no idea, yet I’m running free still lost in my own confusion trying to put the pieces together. Is it time to do a real assessment on life and figure out what my next plan is and where it will take me. Let go of friends who only want friendship when it is convenient for them? Yet I decompress and keep moving like it’s my last. Growing pains didn’t end when puberty was over with, it’s still a process even that is scary. 10 years ago I wasn’t even thinking about the reality of what “10 years from now” would be like. I was still in my 20’s and for the most part I thought I was pretty invincible. Now 10 years from now is another reality I have to face. If the good Lord sees it fit and allow me to walk on His land, then 10 years from now will be here before I know it. To be honest I’m a little freaked out about seeing 45. Where can my life be, will there be lasting love? Children who have my laughter and faint freckles? Only time will tell. But for now I can’t sit and ponder the reality of the later and just be grateful for what I have in the present and pray for better in the future. So with that I take a humbleness and let it be the ruler of my attitude.
Tis the season of holiday cheer, gleaming smiles, and the smells of red velvet cake.
There is no feat too small or big to conquer.
Are you living to your full potential or are you settling for all that you have now? Those dreams that you had when you were a kid, have you accomplished them or was it all wishful thinking? Or did you just let the wrong person tell you that you can’t do something and you just let all of that stay in your mind? Don’t you know what you are capable of doing? Your capable of being the best there is out there. Somewhere in life, you let life get in your way. You let doubt take over and you stop believing. So you made a mistake and you haven’t begun to learn from it. Well you can learn from your mistake and you will. I have always believed that we were born to make mistakes. But it’s what we learn from those mistakes is how we move past from them. When was the last time someone told you that you were special and there is no one else quite like you? Well I’m here to tell you that you are special. Without that one glowing star you would have not been born. Reason why you may have been told that you can do something is because the person telling you wants to help push in the direction that they know you can go to. Or it could be they could simply be miserable with their own outcome in life and was told the same thing and wants to pass it on to somebody else. Whatever the reason is don’t feel for one second that you can not achieve something that you have high aspirations for. Once you have a dream of great fate that dreams belongs to you. No one has the power to take it way from you or deny it from you. You can go through life and just live just to be living. Or you have the choice to go through life and live the life that you want to live. Having your own dreams come true. Know that you are worth more than a shiny piece of jewelry. You were given the greatest gift of all.
I don’t think we can never have it all figured out. It does not matter where you were raised, went to school, your social status you will always be on a quest to be the best that you can possibly be. But can it be exhausting sometimes? Still there are things that always have to be done. Buy groceries, pay the bills, drop the dog off at the vet, catch up on this new book a friend told you about, join this outreach group the list just keeps on going. There will be always something. Everyday there is a lesson to be learned. Someone could have given you some really sound advice to put things in a completely different perspective. Or you may have been reminded how good you have it in life, cause someone you just meet showed you the troubles of their own world by just taking one look in their eyes. Never block a blessing and never take a blessing for granted. Even something as simple as being offered a seat on a crowded bus could be a blessing to others. Today on my lunch break I left for work and on my way back I was got stuck at a stop light. For some reason during all of that lunch hour rush, I found something tranquil just by being at that stop light for one minute. Maybe the reason was I was under a shaded tree and I caught a nice swift breeze. Whatever the reason may have been I took delight in those last few seconds and gave thanks to the Creator. Maybe I’m being silly, maybe my lunch was to light I don’t know. It’s important to be appreciative of still moments in a rushed environment.
So maybe what I’m trying to figure out today, I don’t get. Hopefully I’ll get the answer the next day. Or maybe it will just come to me in a very still moment. The thing I love the most about life is that it will take you to some places that you may have never given consideration. The uncertainty is what should always keep you wondering “what’s next”. There is no need to worry if your going to be ready for life’s next journey. Just have faith in the Creator, faith in that new journey and faith in yourself that it will teach you lesson’s beyond your belief.
It seems like more and more adults that I meet are usually over 30 and have never been married. Many are quite content with their single life. Like many they have a good job, have an education, own their home, have something put away for a rainy day. Many have traveled the world, dated people from different walks of life. But they have grown a costumed to a single life that I believe the average married woman may envy secretly at least once during the course of their friendship. I would be lying if I said that I don’t envy one of my married friends that have their own children. Sometimes you just want something different, and the thought of going to another friend kids birthday party does not always help or can make you feel some type of way. Just an honest opinion. I have heard from both ends of the table (men and women) that is: if your over 30 and still single something is deeply wrong with you. Especially if you have never been married. Or your longest relationship lasted less than a year. How you can honestly validate such a thing? Some people actually choose to be single and that is a choice that they are comfortable living with. Others on the other hand may not know how to properly deal with the pressures of a relationship and they may exit out when things seems to be to perplexed. This could be a growing trend and after 5 years of this type of behavior you have to ask yourself “what have I been doing wrong?” The list could simply go on but this is not that type of post today. I’m hear to say that you are not crazy or something is wrong with you if you are still single. Now to add with that if you know you have issues that you need to work on to better yourself and you want to enter a new relationship with more clarity then please by all means take the time you need to better yourself.
Personally if I was entering a new relationship with a new guy and he is over 30 and single and with no kids, then that’s even better. I don’t feel the need to question why he is still single or why he doesn’t have children. It’s obvious that he has lived his life. Got an education, traveled, worked hard for his career, has his own interests etc. I see it as he’s not bringing any baggage to the relationship. The time that has to spend with you is your time together. And if he is not paying child support or alimony then guess what? He’ll want to take you out to a nice restaurant. So it can work to your advantage you have to let go of any crazy ideas that are swimming around in your mind. With that being said if you do feel something is off then trust your gut.
There are so many blogs that will give you a run down to why you are still single. And I’m hoping that not one intelligent woman will actually click-through all the pages (or even read the post) and tell you why you are still single. It’s very disheartening to think you need to read that type of drivel to justify your own status. I will admit that I actually sat down one day and click-through one of those post and wondered what applied to me. I had to stop myself and realize “who actually writes this type of crap.” For someone who wants to be in a relationship, more than likely this is the last thing they want to read when they are catching up on their favorite blog site. The dating world can be scary but having this type of “reality check” does not put things into a better perspective.
For the ladies out there that is not giving up on love then keep doing what makes YOU happy. If you desire to become a wife then present yourself in that type of light to strike the attention that you deserve. Is it ok to ask a guy out? Yes it’s totally normal. If he rejects, then fine. If it bothers you a little then don’t sweat it for too long. Cause yea it is his loss. But at the same time it may mean that he does not feel that he is the right guy for you. He may feel that someone better will come your way.
So this single life will not last forever if you truly don’t want it to. If you have went through your own experiences with relationships in the past that did not work in your favor, it does not mean you should settle less. Love is a wonder that should always keep you challenged.
Maybe this post is not necessary. Hopefully if can help someone out that is going through something and don’t know what to believe. Being single at the age of 35 is not the most God awful thing that can happen to someone. It is a reality and it is something that I do accept. At this point I really have no choice. Did I honestly think I would still be single with no children at the age of 35? No. Surely I thought I would have been married with at least 2 children by now. Do I still want all of it? Of course. Sometimes I feel I maybe fooling myself. After the age of 35 my chances of having a baby are very small. A man may be reluctant to want to marry a woman of my age cause he may feel pressured into an instant family. Well to be honest whose to say that I would want to marry the first guy that came my way today and whisk me off my feet. Passion and lust is what people usually fall for when they meet someone new. Six months can go by and he or she may not feel that way again. Not to say there is anything wrong with being swept away, but things can change very instantaneously. The thing is you have to be careful, cause as a woman your feelings can take over. Do you want to always sit and talk with your girlfriends that are single and talk about being single and men? Maybe not. But it’s still a sisterhood and we have to support one another in hopes that one will get the man of her dreams. But talking about relationships should not always be the subject of girls night out. It’s normal but it’s healthy to talk about your own dreams, what you feel. No matter what life still has to go on. Another thing don’t always compare what a friend may have that you have known for the past 10+years. If one of your best friends got married when both of you were in your 20’s and some 10 years later your wondering why your kids and her kids are not sharing play dates. This can make you feel a little nutty sometimes but it’s not for you to compare. Being single at the age of 35 is not the end all. Life will still go on. You can still set goals, live the life that you want. Your happiness should not be based on being in a relationship. Your happiness should based on who you are as a person and content with the life that you have build for yourself. This time alone should be set for self discovery
You are not drifting through the wind looking lost. You are a creation that is filled with sound and love. Wrapped with creativity for all the world to see. You are blessed beyond reason discovering a strength that you did not know you owned. Take joy in the moon and stars at night cause there is divinity in how they come together. Never doubt what your purpose is take comfort in knowing how powerful it can be. If your day did not go as planned, there is still something to smile about. It could be the beauty of the last bit of sunlight after the sun as has set or just a stranger acknowledging you with a simple a smile. This world is not ours for long but it is important to take care of it, give it the love that it deserves because in return the world will take care of you. The world ask for nothing but only to respect what it has to offer. Rejoice when you please, sing when you desire. Love like it really is your last day. Laugh even if it’s not that funny. Dance even when there is no music playing. Even stop and smell the roses if you desire. Take delight in what is delightful to you. Take a chance and experience something new. Know who you are. Remember who you are and most importantly love who you are.
Right now the world is going through one to many changes. Sad to say that millions of people across the country are counting on a check from the man. At the rate of the way things are going; it can be anyone’s call. It’s easy to just throw your hands up and say “I’m done, I’m tired of doing this everyday”. I hate to say it but there are a lot of people that would love to see everyday people crumble, starve, steal, beg for their basic necessities in life. Yet still I believe in a dream that will remain all mines. I ask you that are reading this today to also stand strong on your dreams. Encourage those in your surroundings to never give up on your dreams. That is the light that you can carry to be the best that you can be. No one knows what’s in your heart but yours truly.
This will be part of a 4 part series on ways that can be helpful on finding your light.
Mahalo for reading